‘I smoked pot daily for almost 10 years starting when I was 14 years old. I struggled with it for many years, and even thought for awhile that I could not live without it.
From the time I was 14 to 22, I remember I couldn’t go to a movie without smoking out in the parking lot. I couldn’t go out to dinner with my family without sneaking a toke in the bathroom. I couldn’t go to my college classes without taking a couple hits during the drive to class. When I couldn’t afford it I would steal some from my brother. I was smoking 1/8th a week (about 50-60 dollars for the good stuff where I lived).
I remember taking huge bong rips, impressing my friends with my lung capacity. Sadly, it is not nearly the same as it once was. I remember having heart palpitations when I smoked too much, sending myself into panic attacks that didn’t remit for years. I remember developing social anxiety and struggling to make close relationships with other people. I remember my lungs aching from all the ounces and ounces I went through. A few times I even vomited when I coughed so hard from a huge hit that didn’t go down smoothly. I remember knowing that I could do something if I ‘really’ wanted to, but more often than not, not caring enough to do it because I was too stoned and feeling lazy. I sold pot to people, and nearly lost my head when my parents found out.
Marijuana was a problem, but I still didn’t have the awareness of that because I rationalized all the problems away. I could still ‘function’, managing to keep a girlfriend and get B’s and A’s in my classes at a public university. I still lived at my parent’s house, worked a part-time job, and played in a band. Life was pretty good, but deep down inside I knew something wasn’t right.
From the ages 22 to 24 I learned a little self control, mostly because I realized I wasn’t satisfied with the status quo. I found I was able to reduce my tolerance, still get high, and function ‘better’ if I smoked about 1/8th a month (which for some people is very little). I managed to get into graduate school. It was there that I learned how much pot had affected my life, and not for the better. Looking back, all those years were a haze. Sure, I remember significant events, but not with the clarity that I do now. I have friends who can quote movie lines, knowing I was there, and I can barely remember seeing the film at all. I remember significant emotional dissonance, meaning that I would feel one way about something when I was high, but feel another way entirely when I was sober. This was certainly a problem for my relationships with women. Pot was a coping strategy for a long time, anytime I was upset or needed to feel better I would smoke. I didn’t learn the necessary emotional coping skills I needed to function without it. As much as pot would make me appreciate things and make me mellow out, I found that appreciation for things is just as good sober, albeit different. I learned these things because I had to, not because I chose to.
When I first started graduate school the demands were so intense I didn’t smoke at all for 2 years. There was no way I could function and smoke at the level expected of me. Details were important, and the memory side effects of pot were too much to handle. During undergrad it was much easier, but this was a whole new realm. It wasn’t until I got a handle on my stress level and learned a thing or two about relaxation that I found I could mix things up a little.
Now I smoke about 1/4 ounce a year (~100 bucks worth) and this includes sharing with friends. Basically I smoke once a week, 1 or 2 small hits and I’m done. Just to chill. I do it at home alone relaxing or with a close group and we sit and drink wine and laugh. As many have noted, moderation is key. But it took several years to learn that. I know that many people who fall into the same habits I had don’t have the resources or self-control necessary to cope and deal with the effects of prolonged and heavy marijuana use. For many people it is a significant problem, and it is easy to rationalize all of those problems away. But sometimes I wonder, are they functioning at their full capacity? I know I wasn’t.
Moving away from my own experience, my work in the mental health field has shown me the deleterious effects of prolonged and heavy marijuana use. Generally speaking, it significantly interrupts the mind-body connection, such that people have problems integrating their thoughts with their emotions, and as a result behavior is affected. Anecdotally, it manifested with how I would feel about things when I was sober versus high, resulting in cognitive dissonance (i.e., stress). Also, it makes sense that when someone rewards their brain with feel good chemicals (such as THC), they feel less motivated to accomplish things that would incur long-term rewards. Not the case with everyone, of course… but certainly the case with more than most would admit. Our brains have hundreds of complex feedback mechanisms, and pot interrupts them on many levels.
Fortunately, I learned my lessons about heavy use, mostly out of necessity to achieve my goals. Like anything else, pot is not harmless with heavy use. But in moderation, it can add to some of the joys of life.
I’m 28 and 1 year away from my PhD in neuropsychology.’