People who have low self-esteem often put themselves down. This can have a dramatic affect on a relationship, as it can cause issues with jealousy, and also make people feel as if they are ‘lucky’ to be with their partner, resulting in them constantly worrying that they may be ditched. Low self-esteem affects everybody, some more so than others, but it is how you deal with it that can prevent it from becoming a cog in your relationship. If you allow issues with self-esteem to run your relationship, then this can be the basis of its ruin.

What affect can low self-esteem have on a relationship?

The problems caused by low-self esteem can be great, but are often put down to other things.

Here is a list of the potential problems
1.  Jealousy : Low self-esteem can cause individuals to constantly strive for the attention of their loved one. If your partner is merely communicating with a person of the opposite sex this can cause you to take things out of context.
2.  Over-sensitive : Low self-esteem can cause you to take playful criticism too close to heart. This can cause a gulf in your relationship, as you may no longer feel close to your partner.
3.  Self-worth : Low self-esteem can cause people to believe they are very lucky to be with their partner. This can lead some people to remain in an abusive relationship.
4. Memories : If you allow negative memories from prior relationships to affect you, then this can place great strain upon your relationship.
5. Sex : Feeling unattractive can result in you shying away from your partner’s advances.
6. Anger : Low self-esteem can cause negative feelings to build up, and this can be released through aggressive behaviour.

You can change things if you’re willing to change your own perceptions
Overcoming low self-esteem is not an easy task. It is something that takes time, and which requires the support of your family and friends. But only you have the power to stop those negative thoughts from ruling your life.

Here are some tips to help you stop low self-esteem from ruining your relationship:
1. Unique : You need to realise that you are a unique individual, and that you should not strive to fit any pre-conceived image of perfection you may have.
2. Communication : If you inform your partner that you do have low self-esteem, then they can understand why certain arguments arise. They can also provide valuable support.
3. Positives over negatives : Rather than concentrating on the negatives, think about the positives. If you think hard enough, you will be able to list several things you like about yourself.
4. No one is perfect : We all make mistakes. Don’t strive for an unattainable perfection.
5. Niggling thoughts : Do not allow the little things to constantly get you down. Think about things in perspective, and remember that one failure does not automatically make you a failure.
6. Listen : Do not take things out of proportion when you are offered criticism. If you believe that something said is unjustifiable, then say so, but contemplate what has been said before jumping in all guns blazing.
7. Face your fears : The only way to overcome the fears and anxieties that cause you low self-esteem is to challenge them. Start with the small ones and work your way up.
8. Don’t lash out : Do not repress any negative feelings as this will only lead to them building up, which can result in an outburst of aggressive behaviour. Take some deep breaths to calm yourself down.
9. Don’t strive for approval : People with low self-esteem will usually go all out to be liked by others. But you are not worthless, and if someone does not like you for whom you are, then they are not worth your time. Learn to be selfless at times.

A simple instant exercise to regain confidence
The anchor exercise – This is a self-help technique, which involves the person thinking back to a moment when they felt great confidence. You need to allow this confidence to flow through your body. When the feeling of confidence is at a great level you pinch yourself, which acts as an anchor. Then, next time you feel you need a boost of confidence, pinch yourself. This will act as an on switch to those feelings of confidence.

It is ironic that your low self esteem is most probably a result of the attitudes that other people have taken towards you during your life.
Your self esteem is largely shaped by your parents, siblings, superiors, peers and other ’significant’ people you have encountered during your life.
Your self esteem can be changed, however, by you – by the decisions you make and the actions you take.
This short article explains some of the things you can do to improve your self esteem.

The Origins Of Self Esteem
The level of self esteem you have originates from the psychological messages you were given by the significant people in your life as you were growing up.
Esteem is something that parents give to their children, and part of growing up is learning to be less dependant on parental approval for esteem, and developing an inner source for it – ie: self esteem. You grow up believing that you have inherent worth.

You can get low self-esteem if, instead of positive reinforcement, the messages you were given were negative ones. You then grow up believing that you are worthless.
This is not not true, but you end up believing it – that is, you end up believing a lie.

Self-Esteem: How to get it and keep it
If you need to rebuild your self esteem, there are four techniques that may help:
1. Get your facts right : Take a realistic, balanced view of your self in comparison to others. People with low self esteem see themselves in an unduly negative light, and others in an unduly positive light. The truth is much more balanced than that. There is much about you that is good. None of us is perfect.
2. Get a supply of good feedback and keep the supply running
Get people to give you positive feedback, where appropriate. Or spend time with people who offer it to you without asking.
3. Don’t EVER discount yourself. Treat yourself with respect and don’t dismiss praise and recognition. Say “thank you” when you are complimented or praised – rather than trying to do something to please.
4. Don’t accept the baton of low self esteem because it is a heavy burden
Don’t ever let other people make you feel bad and if someone made you feel bad just fight this feeling with all your might. Don’t accept “put downs” from others.

Remember, no matter what other people say (when they are suffering from low self and try and take it out on you): you are some of significant self-worth. Start believing it, and start behaving as if it is true (because it is true).