People who have low self-esteem often put themselves down. This can have a dramatic affect on a relationship, as it can cause issues with jealousy, and also make people feel as if they are ‘lucky’ to be with their partner, resulting in them constantly worrying that they may be ditched. Low self-esteem affects everybody, some more so than others, but it is how you deal with it that can prevent it from becoming a cog in your relationship. If you allow issues with self-esteem to run your relationship, then this can be the basis of its ruin.

What affect can low self-esteem have on a relationship?

The problems caused by low-self esteem can be great, but are often put down to other things.

Here is a list of the potential problems
1.  Jealousy : Low self-esteem can cause individuals to constantly strive for the attention of their loved one. If your partner is merely communicating with a person of the opposite sex this can cause you to take things out of context.
2.  Over-sensitive : Low self-esteem can cause you to take playful criticism too close to heart. This can cause a gulf in your relationship, as you may no longer feel close to your partner.
3.  Self-worth : Low self-esteem can cause people to believe they are very lucky to be with their partner. This can lead some people to remain in an abusive relationship.
4. Memories : If you allow negative memories from prior relationships to affect you, then this can place great strain upon your relationship.
5. Sex : Feeling unattractive can result in you shying away from your partner’s advances.
6. Anger : Low self-esteem can cause negative feelings to build up, and this can be released through aggressive behaviour.

You can change things if you’re willing to change your own perceptions
Overcoming low self-esteem is not an easy task. It is something that takes time, and which requires the support of your family and friends. But only you have the power to stop those negative thoughts from ruling your life.

Here are some tips to help you stop low self-esteem from ruining your relationship:
1. Unique : You need to realise that you are a unique individual, and that you should not strive to fit any pre-conceived image of perfection you may have.
2. Communication : If you inform your partner that you do have low self-esteem, then they can understand why certain arguments arise. They can also provide valuable support.
3. Positives over negatives : Rather than concentrating on the negatives, think about the positives. If you think hard enough, you will be able to list several things you like about yourself.
4. No one is perfect : We all make mistakes. Don’t strive for an unattainable perfection.
5. Niggling thoughts : Do not allow the little things to constantly get you down. Think about things in perspective, and remember that one failure does not automatically make you a failure.
6. Listen : Do not take things out of proportion when you are offered criticism. If you believe that something said is unjustifiable, then say so, but contemplate what has been said before jumping in all guns blazing.
7. Face your fears : The only way to overcome the fears and anxieties that cause you low self-esteem is to challenge them. Start with the small ones and work your way up.
8. Don’t lash out : Do not repress any negative feelings as this will only lead to them building up, which can result in an outburst of aggressive behaviour. Take some deep breaths to calm yourself down.
9. Don’t strive for approval : People with low self-esteem will usually go all out to be liked by others. But you are not worthless, and if someone does not like you for whom you are, then they are not worth your time. Learn to be selfless at times.

A simple instant exercise to regain confidence
The anchor exercise – This is a self-help technique, which involves the person thinking back to a moment when they felt great confidence. You need to allow this confidence to flow through your body. When the feeling of confidence is at a great level you pinch yourself, which acts as an anchor. Then, next time you feel you need a boost of confidence, pinch yourself. This will act as an on switch to those feelings of confidence.

Our own behaviours will influence the quality of our sleep, review this if you can’t find sleep !

Work stress
Work stress comes in many forms – an unfinished report or wanted promotion – and it can leave your mind racing well into the night. ‘Works stress taps into a primitive survival pressure. It tends to boost levels of adrenaline that puts the body in a hyper-alert state,’ says life coach Jason Henry.
Turn things around
Take long deep breaths into your belly to switch on the part of your nervous system that lowers adrenalin and aids relaxation. Do a body scan: pass over your body, starting with your toes. Ask each part to ‘melt to let go of any tension.

Unsolved problem in the day
Negative thoughts before bed are a recipe for tossing and turning all night. It’s near-impossible to sleep if you’re thinking negatively or haven’t reached any kind of resolution. Holding onto strong emotions could prevent your body relaxing for hours.
Turn things around
Don’t dwell on it – solve your issues before you get into bed, even if it is to make plans of actions for tomorrow.

Not enough time
You have too much to do, too little time to do it. The feeling of tiredness can comes from rushing around or feeling you’ve lost control. If you feel life is rushing you it is very likely that your body will feel exhausted.
Turn things around
Make a to-do list before bed because this will give you a feeling of some control. Prioritise half the list for tomorrow, or whatever seems manageable, and make a note to plan for the rest tomorrow. You’ll then feel you’ve done enough so you can switch off. Make sure you keep an hour for relaxation before your usual bedtime.

Doing too much and still feeling disappointed
You’re up past midnight again – having said yes to too many people, you have no idea how you’ll complete all those commitments.
Turn things around
Put a stop to late nights. Even if you’re overstretched, resolve to have your head on the pillow by 11pm. Sleep is essential for emotional health and resilience. It’s better to take on less and do it well than running yourself ragged and doing things badly.

Body temperature
You may want to be warm and cosy, but a room that’s too hot will leave you restless. Snuggle up but make sure the air is cool because heat actually causes the body to wake up.
Turn things around
Open the window for a while before you sleep. If you can, leave it open a little during the night. Choose cotton bedding that allows skin to breathe. Make sure you wash your bed sheet every week.

Sugar and caffeine
Coffee or a sweet treat up to three hours before bed will disrupt your sleep. The caffeine from a single coffee will be swishing around your system for a good four hours, while sugar may keep you energised and awake for up to two hours afterwards.
Turn things around
Skip coffee and sweet treats late in the evening. If you fancy a warming hot drink, opt for herbal tea instead. Avoid eating sugary foods on an empty stomach when they will have a more pronounced effect.

Alcohol
Alcohol has a depressing effect on the nervous system, but when it comes to sleep it acts as a stimulant, boosting blood sugar levels. Once you nod off, you’ll probably be woken in the early hours by the opposite problem: low blood sugar.
Turn things around
Reduce the amount of alcohol you drink if you lie awake after a drinking session. After drinking more than a glass of wine or beer, eat some food to stabilise your blood sugar levels. Alternate soft drinks or water with the glasses of booze. Just before bed, drink plenty of water and eat again, this time choosing a fatty protein food such as cheese.

Irregular sleep hours
Perhaps you’re working shifts or something wakes you up at night. Whatever the case, regular sleep patterns are something that’s out of reach for you.
Turn things around
Grab as much sleep as you can before 11pm. Research indicates that falling asleep before midnight really does lead to deeper, more restorative sleep. If you’re woken during deep REM sleep, you’re likely to feel exhausted the next day. Grab a power nap for at least 30 minutes when you can – it’ll make all the difference.

Energy drinks
These energy bombs do more than work against sleep; they can cause you to feel anxious, jittery, and wired and tired at the same time. If you’re addicted to them, now may be the time to cut back.
Turn things around
Instead of having an energy drink, try a glass of unsweetened iced tea or other tea of your choice – Green thea is fantastic.